dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
