Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize