By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
