Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
