You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
