sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
