If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
