Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
