In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize