whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
