Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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