I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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