She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
