Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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