Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you win again, gameday.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
