I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize