Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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