those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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