My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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