I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
