Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
