Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
