dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
