i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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