I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
