do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
