Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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