I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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