Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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