Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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