it wasn't lemon gatorade
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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