So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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