The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
