fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
