As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
