If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Drunk is not a location!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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