a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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