I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
