I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
