yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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