have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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