So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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