I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
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