well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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