I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
