The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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