I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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