covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
