rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
