I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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