then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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