Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
