Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
