So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
