ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
