a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
