if i can run in heels then i can drive
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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