I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
