if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
