Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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