It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
