Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
