What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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