I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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