hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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