I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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